Fantasy Football News

Mockery - Rounds 1 and 2

07/24/2006

Scoop Chicos - Fantasy Football Commissioner Senior Writer
Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

Mockery - Rounds 1 and 2

Attention fantasy football league commissioners, fantasy football league managers, fantasy football league hot dawgs and fantasy football managers still hopped up on Priest Holmes and Marshall Faulk, everything you’ve been told is veiled in lies. Now it may appear that I have a tendency to chase myself but you must realize that I know my onions and killjoys aren’t allowed in the gin joints I frequent. Here’s a tip: aside from the top running backs, the top tier quarterbacks are the most consistent fantasy football scorers. This is the official online fantasy football management mock draft for the contraption machine and lame fantasy football league draft parties where you’re the only one bent.

Round 1

1. Larry Johnson, rb, Kansas City Chiefs- Stand up, take off your hat, greet the pretty lady as she walks into the room.

2. Sean Alexander, rb, Seattle Seahawks- Whippersnapper of the highest order. Lost his favorite guard.

3. LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego Chargers- This guy can ankle with the best of em’.

4. Tiki Barber, rb, New York Giants- This floor flusher will have you saying attaboy all Sunday long.

5. Peyton Manning, qb, Indianapolis Colts- Mazuma! Berries! Kale! Jack! Moola! Heavy Sugar! Here he is. Take him.

6. Edgerin James, rb, Arizona Cardinals- This guy is going to be served in plenty of Red Zone gin joints after getting dropped off downtown by Boldin-Fitzgerald.

7. Clinton Portis, rb, Washington Redskins- For affect, fall over in your chair as your drafting Portis. It’ll make the others underestimate you.

8. Rudi Johnson, rb, Cincinatti Bengals- Don’t give Rudi the high hat, he’s underrated and serves a mean cocktail. Don’t be afraid show your middle finger to the room when drafting Johnson at your fantasy football league draft.

9. Lamont Jordan, rb, Oakland Raiders- Like Johnson, Jordan is underappreciated. He carried the load admirably for the Raiders last year, don’t hesitate to take him in this spot as the top tier fantasy football running backs slowly disappear.

10. Steve Smith, wr, Carolina Panthers- This whippersnapper was the envy of all fantasy football managers last year who were stuck with hayburners at wide receiver. He definitely should be the first receiver off the board.

Round 2

11. Chad Johnson, wr, Cincinatti Bengals- This guy is the bizzaro Terrell Owens. Definitely a diva, definitely not a train wreck. His numbers will only get better.

12. Larry Fitzgerald, wr, Arizona Cardinals- Fitzgerald will be the center of attention in the already potent Cardinal offense.

13. Carson Palmer, qb, Cincinatti Bengals- I’ve moved this guy up my draft board based on reports out of Ohio that his knee is not going to be an issue. If he wouldn’t have been hurt he would easily be top ten and positioned just below Manning. Here’s the scoop: QUARTERBACKS SCORE!!!!

14. Stephen Jackson, rb, Los Angeles Rams- I’m a little hesitant to rate him so high but he just might be the goods. Rams coach Scott Linehan will lean heavily on this back whose style is reminiscent of another Ram legend, Merlin Olson.

15. Ronnie Brown, rb, Miami Dolphins- Once again potential for this baby grand to bust out is what gets him this high. He didn’t even have 1000 yards last year but he will be drinking alone this year. Don’t let him near the piano.

16. Anquan Boldin, wr, Arizona Cardinals- 1400 ridiculous yards last year from this lollapalooza.

17. Reggie Bush, rb, New Orleans Saints- This floor flusher is new to the dance and a pack of mouth agaped humans may have formed a circle around this guy at the end of the night.

18. Carnell Williams, rb, Tampa Bay Buccaneers- If it wasn’t for his tendancy to get lost in his own neighborhood I’d have this guy rated higher. His potential is perculating.

19. Tom Brady, qb, New England Patriots- This cake-eater is a legend whose statistics are often overlooked, oh, and QUARTERBACKS SCORE!

20. Terrell Owens, wr, Dallas Cowboys- This pill claims to be misquoted in his own auto-biography. Who knows what will happen in big D but at 20 you could take a shot on this potential wooden nickel. Personally, I’d walk to next bar.

Coming Soon . . . rounds 3 and 4.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.