Fantasy Football News

Signal Callers To Trust, Rita, Trust Me

08/07/2006

Scoop Chicos - Fantasy Football Commissioner Senior Writer
Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

Signal Callers To Trust, Rita, Trust Me

Editors Note: Per Scoop Chicos contract, we’re obligated to publish what he submits.

It’s raining in St. Paul. I don’t get it. I left my umbrella at the bar over 2 months ago. Where am I? The Tropic of Cancer? I remember reading you lines from this, Rita, it was New Years Eve 1957. Wait, football. Hold on. The topic is around here somewhere. I need to call the boss. Quarterbacks. I need to talk about what quarterbacks to draft on your fantasy football leagues draft contraption machine. Don’t draft any wooden nickels.

We all know some fantasy football league manager is going to cast a kitten early and nab Peyton Manning. Second off the board should be Tom Brady. Those two humdingers have been the clear-cut top 2 quarterbacks in most fantasy football league draft rooms this year. If it weren’t for his bum knee I’d rate Carson Palmer ahead of Tom Brady but even with those bum knees he should be the third quarterback taken off the board, Rita, you’re the bee’s knees. I’m half sea’s over.

After that it get’s a little more complex, like trying to navigate St. Paul’s hilly streets in a 57’ Chevy at four in the morning on New Years Eve with Rita Hayworth sitting next to you, breathing in your ear, cash being accepted on your cheek the day before she left me. Where am I?

I don’t really have an opinion on who the fourth overall quarterback drafted should be but it should come out of the next tier of quarterbacks. This includes the occasional dewdroppers/whippersnappers Matt Hasselback, Marc Bulger, Donovan McNabb, Jake Delhomme, Drew Bledsoe & Eli Manning. If I were to put them in an order for food, hold on.

If you had a goon holding me by my ankles, like that one night, Rita, the night you left me, New Years Day 1958, when I got the bum’s rush from the Manor. I swear I didn’t kiss that dumb Dora on the cheek, you were drunk, you couldn’t see so well, you were all the way across the room and you kept giving me the icy mitt. You know I was kissing and attaboying everybody after I won a bundle on Ohio State in the Rose Bowl, wait, football. Quarterbacks. Hasselback is the safest of this bunch. Manning has the most upside. Delhomme is the most consistent. Bledsoe could put up even bigger numbers this year because of the addition of the diva, Rita Hayworth, I mean Terrell Owens. I’m bent. O.k., Bulger is fragile, so is McNabb. Anyone have a time machine? I should call Shanahan.

If you still don’t have a quarterback, well, it’s going to be a long year without you.

Oh. Mazuma. Third tier signal callers to trust. This group includes Daunte Culpepper, Ben Rothlisberger, Trent Green, Drew Brees, Jake Plummer, Brett Favre, Michael Vick & Aaron Brooks. If those two former fantasy floor flushers, Culpepper and Brees return to health, I’d put them at the front of this group. Plummer is probably next with his low interception rate and interplanetary coach. Next would be that heeler Trent Green who is getting up there in age so beware. Michael Vick needs to figure some stuff out before I’d waste my time with him. Favre threw 29 picks last year and Warner gets another concussion every time his head hits the pillow. I’m crocked. Oh. Brooks. Yeah. Who knows, if Moss stays healthy then big statistics from Brooks would follow. Someone’s at the door.

Apparently, I ordered food.

If you still don’t have a quarterback there’s two quarterbacks who could win you some mazuma or berries or both which is the same. Yes. Jon Kitna and Mark Brunnell. Yes Jon Kitna, if this offends you, I’m sorry. There, I said it, Rita, now would you please come home, 1958 will be different. Trust me.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.