Fantasy Football News

Mockery - Rounds 5 and 6

08/11/2006

Scoop Chicos - Fantasy Football Commissioner Senior Writer
Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

Mockery – Rounds 5 and 6

Attention fantasy football league commissioners, fantasy football league managers and interplanetary fantasy football league players. Everything you’ve been lead to believe is lies. Flat tires aren’t allowed in the juice joints I frequent so if you don’t know the secret knock, the speakeasy isn’t going to even let you in. This is the official online fantasy football management mock draft for the contraption machine and lame fantasy football league draft parties where you’re the only one bent.

Round 5

41. Chester Taylor, RB, Minnesota Vikings- Taylor has all the looking’s of a flour lover. He has so much make up on at this point that we have no idea what he looks like. Is he just walking through the library to use the bathroom or is this Philadelphia Lawyer sitting down at a table? He is the unknown but will be running behind Bryant McKinnie, Steve Hutchinson and Matt Birk which makes him a potential cake-eater.

42. Jamal Lewis, RB, Baltimore Ravens- This dewdropper former whippersnapper could be a steal in 2006. His 2005 season inspired little in anyone on the planet earth.

43. Warrick Dunn, RB, Atlanta Falcons- Some weeks I’m watching this humdinger scamper around the field like no one can touch him, then four weeks go by and I’ve forgotten he even exists. Dunn seems to have two big games a year and the rest of the time he doesn’t even know what he should order at the bar. Pick the proper weeks to start him.

44. Roy Williams, WR, Detroit Lions- Williams is now playing for that well dressed hippie clown Mike Martz which could prove to be MAZUMA! for fantasy owners. There is no doubt that Williams is the most talented receiver in Detroit so Matrz’s pass happy face offense could lead to Willams having yard sales all fall long.

45. Donald Driver, WR, Green Bay Packers- This is a case of two kids and one ball playing catch in the backyard. Driver is all that Favre has to throw to which means 1000+ yards and a handful of visits to the cushiest part of town.

46. Darrell Jackson, WR, Seattle Seahawks- Jackson continues to be overlooked by most fantasy owners and rightfully so. He’s neither this nor that nor something entirely different but the same, which is decent output that is neither here nor there.

47. Matt Hasselback, QB, Seattle Seahawks- Hasselback found himself in glad rags last year at fantasy football league drafts. He was being touted and drafted in the top three rounds by palookas who were half seas over at their draft party. The hangover was a substantial one. He’s good, but 5^th round good.

48. Marc Bulger, QB, Los Angeles Rams- Bulger no doubt is a flight risk. Who knows when this sometimes dewdropper is going to run for the hills. However, when healthy, he puts points up. The second tier quarterbacks will be flying off the board at this point so don’t be left holding out your hat asking for change.

49. T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR, Cincinnati Bengals- HOLY HANNAH ROSE! When drafting Houshmansomthin’ flash both birds at the draft room. Walk slowly to the bar, mix a cocktail, drink half of it, slam a beer chaser, belch loudly and walk back to the couch and act uninterested in anything going on around you.

50. Joey Galloway, WR, Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Galloway had fantasy owners in fits last year wondering why they overlooked this reborn whippersnapper. I wouldn’t be surprised if most of you overlooked him again.

Round 6

51. Tony Gonzalez, TE, Kansas City Chiefs- Some fantasy football owner is going to cast a kitten and draft Gonzalez in the third round. My personal feeling is that Gonzalez has been drinking at the bar way too long. He had plenty of yard sales last year but only had two estate sales.

52. Chris Cooley, TE, Washington Redskins- When drafting Cooley take off your pants and moon the room. MAZUMA!

53. Donovan McNabb, QB, Philadelphia Eagles- This one time fantasy colossus has turned into a refrigerator with only leftover eggs in it. Who knows what the hell he’s going to do in 2006.

54. Rod Smith, WR, Denver Broncos- JACK! This long strider just keeps showing up to a bar that everyone else assumes is closed.

55. Cedric Benson, RB, Chicago Bears- Benson was named the starter in Chicago but now finds himself sidelined for a few weeks. Apparently he’s going to be okay but this guys ability to ankle is a bit in question.

56. Todd Heap, TE, Baltimore Ravens- Heap has been sentenced to play with quarterbacks who appear to be crocked half the time. He still had a huge yard sale last year and walked in the nice neighborhood seven times. He finally has a legitimate bartender in McNair.

57. Javon Walker, WR, Denver Broncos- Reports from Planet Shanahan is that Walker has completely recovered from his blown out knee. Ashley Lelie has been pouting for weeks now which tells us every thing we need to know. WALKER HAS BEEN WORKED ON BY ALIEN SURGEONS FROM PLANET SHANAHAN! MAZUMA!

58. Daunte Culpepper, QB, Miama Dolphins- Unbelievably, this split personality is playing in a football game this weekend. A healthy pre-season and you won’t be seeing Culpepper hanging out with the middle class folks of the sixth round.

59. Corey Dillon, RB, New England Patriots- Corey Dillon has left the building and no one really cares. He’s talking the talk at Patriots camp that he’s out to prove the naysayers who naysay about his ability to be a productive back at this point in his career. This is all fine and dandy but this naysayer is here to say one thing: Laurence Maroney.

60. Drew Brees, QB, New Orleans Saints- Brees seems to be on track down in New Orleans and with Reggie Bush in tow his offense could be humming. Like Culpepper, a healthy pre-season is going to send Brees hurtling up the draft charts like a flying disc man from Mars.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.