Fantasy Football News

Planet Shanahan Names Alien as Starting RB

08/17/2006

Scoop Chicos - Fantasy Football Commissioner Senior Writer
Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

Planet Shanahan Names Alien as Starting Running Back

Holy Hannah Rose! Mike Shanahan has freaked me out for the last time. It’s 7:26 a.m. in St. Paul and I’ve been up for 3 hours. The sun is shining as I peer out the back window of my den. Earthly sounds surround me, sirens are blaring, the neighbors are yelling at each other, some lollygagger is playing the piano badly, cars without mufflers are whizzing by my St. Paul house on Selby Avenue, my cocktail is empty and my ears are enjoying the thwap, thwap, thwap of the typewriter keys. Yes, things appear normal here except for what is sitting in my head. A little news that I came across last night that has shaken me to the core. THE DENVER BRONCOS ARE STARTING AN EXTRATERESTIAL RUNNING BACK CREATED ON PLANET SHANAHAN BY THE NAME OF MIKE BELL! After an arduous pre-season of trying to guess what shoes Shanahan was going to wear with his suit I had just about settled on the fact that Tatum Bell would end up being the Denver Broncos first string running back when the season opens in a few weeks. I couldn’t have been more wrong. First, that interplanetary lollygagger named Ron Dayne the starter, next he told the world that Cedric Cobbs was a supernatural being, and then he kind of mentioned that the running back with the most talent, Tatum Bell, was in the lead. It was all a set up.

Mike Shanahan - In human form? Mike Shanahan - As his alter ego?

Shanahan on Planet Earth Shanahan on Planet Shanahan

Shanahan is ready to unleash an interplanetary running back on the National Football League. I interviewed Shanahan last night and caught him dead to rights on the true origin of Mike Bell.

Scoop: What the hell is the matter with you?

Shanahan: I’m fine, how are you?

Scoop: (Silence)

Shanahan: (Whirring)

Scoop: How’s RXE222?

Shanahan: She’s good.

Scoop: What did you have for dinner?

Shanahan: Food pills.

Scoop: Who is your starting running back?

Shanahan: RNU777, er, I mean, Mike Bell. Gotta Go.

Well knock me over with Mae West's purse, I was asking those questions so fast that the interplanetary lollygagger revealed everything to me in a moment of ambiguity. The implications of this are huge. Does it state anywhere in the NFL rulebook that creatures from outer space CAN’T play in the NFL? I don’t think it does.

Shanahan has been grooming Mike Bell since he was born on Planet Shanahan under the name RNU777. After years in the Planet Shanahan Running Back Facility, he was shipped down to planet earth and installed at the University of Arizona where he had mild success only so that he wouldn’t get drafted by another team. Shanahan quickly snatched him up as a free agent signing and has had him practicing at the Broncos private running back facility with hologram football players in the Rocky Mountains.

Broncos Secret RB Facility

What is a fantasy football league manager supposed to do with this news, well, I’m not exactly sure. In Mike Bell’s first action of the season he rushed the ball 7 times for 20 yards. The extraterrestrial also fumbled. (whirring) My money is still on Tatum Bell, yet, Shanahan is sticking by his second favorite Martian, RNU777 a.k.a. Mike Bell. Sue me.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.