Fantasy Football News

Mockery - Rounds 7 and 8

08/20/2006

Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

MOCKERY –Rounds 7 and 8

Attention fantasy football league commissioners, fantasy football league managers and fantasy football league players who have just been told they’re cool. Killjoys have no place to hang their hat in the bars I’m spry in, so if you find yourself sitting next to me, put your hat on your knee, buy me a drink and scram because this is the official online fantasy football management mock draft for the contraption machine and lame fantasy football league draft parties where you’re the only one bent.

Round 7

61. Thomas Jones, RB, Chicago Bears- Holy Hannah Rose! The running back story in Chicago is hotter than a day at the beach with Joan Crawford. Jones has returned to practice and Benson has a cracked wing.

62. Laurence Maroney, RB New England Patriots- MAZUMA! BERRIES! KALE! JACK! Climb up on the kitchen table, slap your knee, flick off the draft party, yell this whippersnapper’s name, remove your flask from side pocket and sip.

63. Michael Vick, QB, Atlanta Falcons- The rushing yards are nice but don’t drink the lemonade at his yard sales because their won’t be the expected kick.

64. Joseph Addai, RB, Indianapolis Colts- It’s hard to dissect the Colts running back situation at this point but my mazuma is on whoever the winner is.

65. Trent Green, QB, Kansas City Chiefs- I have a queasy feeling in my stomach any time an aged flour lover is headed my way.

66. Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans- Johnson was one of the biggest dewdroppers at the cocktail party in 2005. I’m not sure if he remembers the secret knock.

67. Nate Burleson, WR, Seattle Seahawks- Burleson finds himself in a high flying offense which could prove beneficial to someone looking for a third wide out in round seven. However, this flat tire did little to inspire any human in the cosmos last year.

68. Derrick Mason, WR, Baltimore Ravens- Consistency and an old friend at quarterback make Mason a worthy drinking buddy on any trips to old haunts where the bartender growls every time you order a drink and you yell attaboy after every growl.

69. Eddie Kennison, WR, Kansas City Chiefs- Every year you stare and stare at Eddie Kennison’s name and don’t draft him and every year he somehow manages to hold huge yard sales. Draft him to experience first hand why no one drafts him.

70. Deion Branch, WR, New England Patriots- Branch is still casting kittens out there in New England and I have no idea why. Bellichek could care less and is obviously still depressed because he’s still wearing those sweatpants in public. Who knows if this lollygagger is going to show his mug by week one.

Round 8

71. Deuce McAllister, RB, New Orleans Saints- I have no idea what to do with the next two hayburners. McAllister is a complete unknown with Reggie Bush running ahead of him. Who knows how number two will cook with another cook in the kitchen.

72. Fred Taylor, RB, Jacksonville Jaguars- There is no way Fred Taylor can take two steps without falling over. Sure, the cheerleaders will be gaga after week one but how quickly this Brittle Barry will be crying in his tomato soup.

73. Dominick Rhodes, RB, Indianapolis Colts- It’s hard to dissect the Colts running back situation but my mazuma is on whoever the winner is.

74. Mike Bell, RB, Denver Broncos- Huhwhaaa? Fantasy football league managers across the land are going to be staring into outer space and cursing Planet Shanahan for leading them on or sending praise beams to Planet Shanahan.

75. Jake Plummer, QB, Denver Broncos- Plummer had one of the best TD/Interception ratios in the league last and has a mustache. His poor playoff performance has people looking at him askance.

76. Drew Bennett, WR, Tennessee Titans- Bennettt was a monster down the stretch a couple of years ago but barely inspires a meh after a sub-par 2005. Well, one meh. Meh.

77. Drew Bledsoe, QB, Dallas Cowboys- Bledsoe is going to fall based on his name alone because people perceive his beans as beans. He’s still capable of delivering papers all over the neighborhood although humans are usually wary of a 34 year old paperboy.

78. Joe Horn, WR, New Orleans- The days of anyone trusting Joe Horn with a high draft pick are over. However, don’t be surprised if Horn turns out to be good value considering his new quarterback is Drew Brees.

79. Frank Gore, RB, San Francisco 49ers- This young whippersnapper is the first 49er to be drafted. Look for Gore to put Kevan Barlow out of his NFL misery.

80. Kurt Warner, QB, Arizona Cardinals- The ugly lunch lady creaks onto the board at 80. After week one you might be thinking BERRIES! KALE! JACK! But after Warner’s arm falls off in week two you’ll be shouting expletives at your tube vision.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.