Fantasy Football News

Scoop Chicos 2006 Fantasy Football Power Rankings

09/05/2006

Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

Scoop Chicos NFL Fantasy Football Power Rankings

Ranked by number of Floor Flushers

1) Cincinatti Bengals – Rudi Johnson, Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer, T.J. Houshmanzadh- These whippersnappers are ready to take the NFL by storm. If I had the opportunity to moon Boomer Esiason I would because he’s a loudmouth Pluto Poser. The Bengals have the number one fantasy offense in the NFL. Sue me.

2) Indianapolis Colts- Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne- Holy Hannah Rose! The Colts are back and the favorites to win the Super Bowl. Peyton Manning is the flying disc Man from Mars hurtling lasers to Martian Harrison and Martian Wayne. Sit back and watch this guy audible himself into a kiss on an elevator. MAZUMA!

3) Arizona Cardinals- Edgerinn James, Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin - Sometimes you're looking out the window and you can hear the rain but you can't see it. It’s pouring fantasy stars in the desert!

4) Kansas City Chiefs-Larry Johnson, Tony Gonzalez, Trent Green If you own Larry Johnson, well, stand up, take off your hat and greet the pretty lady as she walks into the room. Fantasy colossus. Larry Johnson Gonzo and Green are a couple of flour lovers looking for a dance.

5) New York Giants-Tiki Barber, Jeremy Shockey, Eli Manning, Plaxico Burress- Jumpin’ Johnny Jupiter! The Giants are going to be moving up and down the field and casting kittens about it at the same time. This is Tracy & Hepburn at a cocktail party.

6) Seattle Seahawks- Shaun Alexander, Matt Hasselback, Darrell Jackson-For some reason I see a little dip in the Seahawks this year, I feel they’ve been hanging around the same juice joint for quite some time and people are tired of their made up stories. Call Jackson and Hasselback a cab.

7) San Diego Chargers- LaDainian Tomlinson, Antonio Gates- Tomlinson and Gates are cake-eaters but the green Phillip Rivers could embarrass them enough to scare the ladies away.

8) Denver Broncos- Miscellaneous Running Back - I have no clue. PLANET SHANAHAN, I DAMN THEE! STRIKE ME DOWN WITH LAZERS WHERE I STAND! SEND ME BOOZE PILLS!

9) Dallas Cowboys- Terrell Owens, Julius Jones, Drew Bledsoe- Owens has been a spectacular drama queen this pre-season and has caught one ball. The regular season awaits and Owens will no doubt make a grand entrance. Parcells is rolling his eyes.

10) L.A. Rams- Stephen Jackson, Torry Holt, Marc Bulger- This trio should make fantasy owners attaboy! the postman, the neighbor lady and the grocer.

11) Carolina Panthers- Steve Smith, Jake Delhomme- This combo is a dangerous cocktail. Smith was the premier fantasy receiver last year and Delhomme is underappreciated. I left DeShaun Foster off the list because he’s probably hurt and doesn’t even know it.

12) Washington Redskins- Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, Chad Cooley- A lot is riding on ancient Mark Brunnell’s shoulders & Clinton Portis’ shoulder. I wouldn’t drink in the chaise pondering this one. This is a kitchen table and bottle night.

13) New England Patriots – Tom Brady, Corey Dillon/Lawerence Maroney- What is going to happen in New England? There are reports that Maroney’s knee is dinged. There are reports that Bellichek drives a Ford Tempo. Will both of em’ make it to work on Sunday?

14) Miami Dolphins – Ronnie Brown, Chris Chambers, Daunte Culpepper- With Culpepper apparently healthy, Chambers is ready to explode. Brown is set to surpass 1000 yards. Pour a round of drinks and do the Shorty George as Miama is mining fantasy gold.

15) Pittsburgh Steelers – Willie Parker, Hines Ward- Willie Parker’s value was boosted by Cowher giving him goal line carries. Ward will have to wait until Big Ben fully recovers from his appendectomy. I was once treated by a doctor in Pittsburgh once, now I can’t close my mouth.

16) New Orleans Saints- Reggie Bush/Deuce McAllister – It looks like Deuce and Bush will be splitting carries to begin with. This lessens the impact of both. Bush should win out in the long run.

17) Los Angeles Raiders- LaMont Jordan, Randy Moss- The Raiders are set to struggle through another pitiful year. Brooks has been seen wandering around the neighborhood with a smile on his face even though his torso is on fire.

18) Atlanta Falcons- Michael Vick, Warrick Dunn- Someone take me to the damn grocer.

19) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Cadillac Williams, Joey Galloway- Williams looked lost in the park at times last year after that monster beginning. Galloway needs Chris Simms to figure out how to throw it further.

20) Philadelphia Eagles – Donovan McNabb, Brian Wesbrook- I don’t even know what Donovan McNabb is worth anymore and Westbrook is one of the most over-rated backs in the game. Freedom?

21) Chicago Bears – Thomas Jones, Chicago D- Jones has been named the starter in Chicago and the beers and yards will be flowing.

22) Detroit Lions – Kevin Jones, Roy Williams- Mike “Rip Taylor” Marz leads these dewdroppers into battle. Kitna & Williams could be huge. Jones will no doubt disappoint.

23) Green Bay Packers – Ahman Green, Brett Favre- Yargh. Um. Paging the glory years. Anyone? Hello? Mike? Rita?

24) Minnesota Vikings – Chester Taylor- Yargh. Um. Paging the fantasy glory years. Anyone? Hello? Denny? Rita?

25) Jacksonville Jaguars – Fred Taylor- Meh.

26) Buffalo Bills – Willis McGahee- This pre-Madonna ran his mouth before the season and ended up looking the fool. Could be a steal in your fantasy football leagues draft now that he’s been humbled.

27) Baltimore Ravens – Jamal Lewis- Lewis also could be a steal now that he’s been humbled.

28) San Francisco 49ers – Frank Gore – If your saddled with 49ers, well, it is called fantasy football so just imagine you won.

29) Houston Texans – Andre Johnson- I guess.

30) Tennessee Titans- Earl Campbell, Dan Pastorini- Tennesee is just not up for this fantasy life.

31) Cleveland Browns- Reuben Droughns- Have you seen the waitress?

32) New York Jets – Freeman McNeil- If your saddled with Jets, the best thing to do would be to rent some underdog movies like Seabiscuit, Rudy, Miracle and The Shining. These should put you in the right mindset to win without the best of the best.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.