Fantasy Football News

The Hayworth, Milquetoast and Alien Report Week 3

09/29/2006

Scoop Chicos - Fantasy Football Commissioner Senior Writer
Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

The Hayworth, Milquetoast and Alien Report- Week Three

Hayworthian Floor Flushers-

Brian Westbrook, Philadelphia Eagles 8 carries, 117 yards, 2 TDs, 4 catches, 47 yards, 1 TD- Holy Hannah Rose! I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve poured some verbal drinks over this floor flushers head but something is clicking in Philadelphia and it ain’t the heels of that gal Lucy that I left behind 40 years ago because she’s dead. It’s hard to dispute these types of numbers: 12 touches, 164 yards and 3 touchdowns! HEAVY SUGAR!

Brett Favre, Green Bay Packers, 25-36, 340 yards, 3 TDs- This fantasy football legend breathed some fire into his sagging hot air balloon on Sunday and is currently sailing to the horizon in style. I’m no Philadelphia lawyer but he was playing the Detroit Lions which is like hanging out with Milton Berle at a juice joint where anything goes.

Willie Parker, Pittsburgh Steelers, 31 carries, 133 yards, 2 TDs- Jumpin’ Johnny Jupiter this part-time Charlie proved he’s no Pluto Poser on Sunday. Fast Willie was punishing the wind with his quicks and the go line carries had fantasy owners raising the glasses in the air and shouting BERRIES! KALE! JACK! MAZUMA!

Casper Milquetoast-

Kurt Warner, QB, St. Louis Cardinals- Parts one and two of the prediction I made on Auggie 20th have now come true: “After week one you might be thinking BERRIES! KALE! JACK! But after Warner’s arm falls off in week two you’ll be shouting expletives at your tube vision.” Warner lost his arm during Sunday’s game. For some reason he’s still the starter this Sunday but I have a feeling that once Denny Green sees the ineffectiveness of the one-armed quarterback that Matt Leinert will be on the field right quick. Warner is curled up in the corner of the NFL bar and trying to crawl toward the jukebox so he can play one last song for one last dance. Not to mention his troubles at home where his wife thinks that everyday is Halloween. Sue me.

Alien Notes-

Javon Walker, Tatum Bell, Planet Shanahan- As predicted last week the reinforcements have arrived from Planet Shanahan! I don’t know if that was Javon Walker and Tatum Bell on Sunday or RXE929 and RXE 455 but whoever it was running around the field was literally glowing with that new cyborg shine. If you looked close enough at Shanahan on Sunday you could see the sliest little alien grin mucking up the lens of the camera as Shanahan still has designs on conquering NFL earth with his legion of space invader footballers. I recently interviewed this extraterrestrial on the set of his house, which is just a fake front so that people don’t see the spaceship in the backyard.

Scoop: How’s RXE222

Planet Shanahan: She’s good, thanks for asking. How’s Rita.

This was the end of the interview as I charged Planet Shanahan and was apprehended by two horse cyborgs.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.