Fantasy Football News

Scoop Chicos 2006 Fantasy Football Power Rankings

10/13/2006

Scoop Chicos - Fantasy Football Commissioner Senior Writer
Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

Scoop Chicos NFL Fantasy Football Power Rankings
Ranked by number of Floor Flushers

1) L.A. Rams- Stephen Jackson, Torry Holt, Marc Bulger- Jackson is leading the league in rushing, Holt is leading the league in touchdowns and Bulger is leading the league in weirdest looking quarterback. This trio has reincarnated the greatest show on turf even with the departure of it’s main elephant, Mike Martz.

2) Chicago Bears – Rex Grossman, Bernard Berrian, Thomas Jones/Cedric Benson, Bears Defense- I called Joey Lender, my Chicago connection, last week to find out if these Bears are for real.

Joey Lender: Lender here, how much?

Scoop: What?

Joey Lender: How much you need?

Scoop: Who are you?

Joey Lender: Lender here, how much?

Scoop: What?

I hung up on him.

3) Philadelphia Eagles – Donovan McNabb, Brian Wesbrook- Jumpin’ Johnny Jupiter! I called these dewdroppers Pluto Poser’s before the season and now they have the number three fantasy offense in the league. Sue me.

4) Cincinatti Bengals – Rudi Johnson, Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer, T.J. Houshmanzadh- These four floor flushers have not disappointed and Boomer Esiason is still an ass.

5) Indianapolis Colts- Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne- Peyton Manning is the flying disc Man from Mars hurtling lasers to Martian Harrison and Martian Wayne. Sit back and watch this guy audible himself into a kiss on an elevator.

6) Washington Redskins- Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, Mark Brunell, Tom Cruise- This trio has cranked it up in the past couple weeks. Moss is hanging out in the starlets dressing room, Portis is taking his sweet time when he gets the ball and Brunell has figured out he’s an NFL quarterback again.

7) New York Giants-Tiki Barber, Jeremy Shockey, Eli Manning, Plaxico Burress- Manning has shown that he’s one of the top fantasy quarterbacks in the game. Barber hasn’t put on his glad rags yet but will crank it up soon. Burress and Shockey continue to act like drama queens.

8) San Diego Chargers- LaDainian Tomlinson, Antonio Gates, Phillip Rivers- Holy Hannah Rose! Phillip Rivers proved last Sunday night that he’s up for this fantasy life; Tomlinson and Gates are charter members. MAZUMA!

9) Arizona Cardinals- Edgerinn James, Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, Matt Leinert – Kurt Warner has died a slow fantasy death. Fitzgerald has a bum gammy and James isn’t scoring, Boldin is holding his own, Leinart looks to have some value, Jim Hart is sitting in his chaise and Roy Green is at the grocer.

10) New Orleans Saints- Drew Brees, Reggie Bush/Deuce McAllister, Marquis Colston – Not only did the Saints pick the right injured quarterback to acquire, they lucked into Bush and Brees has made Colston a star. JACK!

11) Denver Broncos, Tatum Bell- Aside from Tatum Bell racking up the yards the Denver offense has been a pathetic site this year. Plummer is acting the fool and the receivers are suffering because of it. Reportedly Shanahan has shipped the entire offensive unit to Planet Shanahan for some fine tuning in the Planet Shanahan Football Facility.

Denver’s Offense Leaves Earth

Planet Shanahan Football Facility

12) Dallas Cowboys- Terry Glenn, Julius Jones, Drew Bledsoe-
While Terrell Owens puts his make up on for Sunday’s game, Terry Glenn is the man in Dallas. This footballer, who head coach Bill Parcells referred to as a “she” in his rookie year, has turned into a he.

13) Carolina Panthers- Steve Smith, Jake Delhomme, DeShaun Foster- Smith is back on the horse and Delhomme is responding in kind. These floor flushers will be near the top by the end of the season.

14) New England Patriots – Tom Brady, Lawerence Maroney- As predicted, Maroney is cut out for this fantasy life. Bellichek is a fashion genius.

15) Kansas City Chiefs-Larry Johnson- Tony Gonzalez and Trent Green have disappeared form the NFL universe leaving Larry Johnson, who leads the league in total yardage, doing all of the damage in Kansas City. Apparently you have to decapitate him to slow him down.

16) Jacksonville Jaguars – Maurice Jones-Drew, Reggie Williams, Brian Leftwhich- Pick up Drew immediately, Williams is finally emerging and Leftwhich is better than ever. Take off your hat and stand for the pretty lady.

17) Atlanta Falcons- Michael Vick, Warrick Dunn- After a hot start, these two part-time Charlie’s are as predictable as an old man in a diner

18) New York Jets – Lavernous Coles, Chad Pennington- It appears as though Coles and Pennington have begun riding their tandem bike again.

19) Houston Texans- Andre Johnson, David Carr – After being abducted from this fantasy life last season, these dewdroppers are doing their best to get back in the speakeasy.

20) San Francisco 49ers – Frank Gore – Frank Gore is a fantasy colossus. HEAVY SUGAR!

21) Cleveland Browns- Charlie Fry, Braylon Edwards,Kellen Winslow- Winslow lives! Frye exists! Edwards subsists!

22) Pittsburgh Steelers – Willie Parker, Hines Ward- Pittsburgh had way too much to drink last year. They need the hair of the dog to get back on the trolley.

23) Seattle Seahawks- Shaun Alexander, Matt Hasselback, Darrell Jackson- Seattle had way too much to drink last year. They need the hair of the dog to get back on the trolley.

24) Green Bay Packers – Brett Favre, Greg Jennings- This old whippersnapper is still a gunslinger and Jennings is the beneficiary. Not much else happens in this Great Lake coastal town.

25) Minnesota Vikings – Chester Taylor, Minnesota Defense- Taylor and defense is the only thing happening in Minnesota. The vaunted Minnesota passing game has gone the way of the land line.

26) Detroit Lions – Kevin Jones, Roy Williams- Jones has at least scored three times and Williams has been o.k. but the high powered offense promised to be delivered by Martz hasn’t arrived. Fans should get this pizza free although I think Martz ate it.

27) Buffalo Bills – Willis McGahee- McGahee is having a huge year, Losman will internally combust if he surpasses 100 yards in passing.

28) Miama Dolphins – Ronnie Brown, Chris Chambers, Daunte Culpepper-
Pass the ketchup.

29) Los Angeles Raiders- LaMont Jordan, Randy Moss – Whaaaaaaaaa?

30) Baltimore Ravens - Edgar Alle Poe, Baltimore Defense– If your saddled with Ravens, well, it is called fantasy football so just imagine you won.

31) Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Cadillac Williams, Joey Galloway- Have you seen the waitress?

32) Tennessee Titans- Earl Campbell- If your saddled with Titans, the best thing to do would be to rent some underdog movies like Seabiscuit, Rudy, Miracle or The Shining. These should put you in the right mindset to win without the best of the best.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.