Fantasy Football News

The Hayworth, Milquetoast and Alien Report Week 7

10/24/2006

Scoop Chicos - Fantasy Football Commissioner Senior Writer
Scoop Chicos
Senior Staff Writer
Fantasy Football Commissioner

The Hayworth, Milquetoast and Alien Report: Week 7

Hayworthian Report

Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis Colts, 342 yards, 4 TDs- This Quarterbot is hurtling lasers to Martian Harrison and Martian Wayne. He cannot be stopped.

Joey Harrington, Miama Dolphins, 414 yards, 2 TDs- Whaaaaaaaaa? Joey Harrington threw for 414 yards on Sunday in Miama. Should you pick him up? Hell no.

Tatum Bell, Planet Shanahan , 24 carries, 115 yards, 1 TD- Jumpin’ Johnny Jupiter, this extraterrestrial running back is third in the NFL in rushing yards and has scored the past two weeks. Planet Shananan derives nothing but pleasure from baiting fantasy owners into drafting the backup high in the draft. Mike Bell owners, um, yeah.

Larry Johnson, Kansas City Chiefs, 28 carries, 132 yards, 2 TDs- LJ7 is finally heating up, he’s upped his touchdown total to five and he rushed for 132 yards against one of the best defenses in the league. Historically speaking, Johnson only gets better as the season goes on like a flask when men wore hats.

Chester Taylor, Minnesota Vikings, 26 carries, 169 yards, 1 TD- Amazingly, there is a fantasy star in Minnesota. Taylor is second in the NFL in rushing yards as the Vikings offense showed signs of life. I’d try to trade for this whippersnapper because the talented Vikings line is starting to gel.

Brian Westbrook, Philadelphia Eagles, 13 carries, 101 yards, 7 catches, 113 yards, 1 TD- Westbrook is second in the NFL in yards from scrimmage and pulled a Roger Craig on Sunday. I’d be tempted to sell high with this floor flusher because he might not be around to help you come playoff time; in 2005 he missed weeks 14-17 and in 2004 he missed weeks 16 and 17.

Leon Washington, New York Jets 20 carries, 129 yards, 2 TDs- Holy Hannah Rose! This rookie is cleaning the dishes and cooking the pot roast. His left the rest of the Jets running backs in the dust and proclaimed himself a humdinger. Pick him up immediately.

Mike Furrey, Detroit Lions, 9 catches, 109 yards, 1 TD- Apparently you should pick him up but, like J. Edgar Hoover, he’s not what he appears to be.

Milquetoast Report

Edgerrin James, Arizona Cardinals, 13 carries, 44 yards- Things are getting weird in the desert.

Reuben Droughns, Cleveland Browns, 12 carries, 33 yards- Reuben Droughns is no longer up for this fantasy life.

Joey Galloway, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 0 catches, 0 yards- Galloway must have been on steroids last year because all he did was hit home runs. This speedster can’t even scratch an infield hit. Have you seen the waitress?

Santana Moss, Washington Redskins, 3 catches, 20 yards- Moss is confounding to fantasy owners; it’s either 3 catches for 20 yards or 3 catches for 160 yards and 3 touchdowns. Starting Moss is like ordering a drink from an amateur; you never know if they’ll add enough vodka to your greyhound.

Alien Report

Bill Parcells, Glazed Look, Dallas Cowboys- Did Bill Parcells have face surgery hours before Monday Nights game or did he spend the day in the bar? After inserting Tony Romo in the second half in an effort to jumpstart the season, Parcells realized before the nations eyes that he could dress her up but still couldn’t take her to town.

Scoop Chicos is the senior staff writer for fflcommish.com, the most flexible fantasy football league manager available. His original fantasy football articles are updated several times a week. You can ask him fantasy football related questions in his fantasy football forum. Subscribe to his articles from his fantasy football rss feed.